Heidegger , Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume  
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel ,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel .

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates , himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill , of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato , they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle , Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

First heard on Monty Python's Flying Circus/The Second Series (aired from Sep. 15, 1970 to Dec. 22, 1970): Episode 22: How To Recognize Different Parts Of The Body.