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Was Mortimer Snerd possibly a language disabled child? Following is a conversation between Mortimer and Edgar Bergen on the occasion of Charlie McCarthy's marriage to Marilyn Monroe November 1952. Have you heard the big news? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My cat just had kittens. Poor thing is awful disappointed too. Oh? Yeah, yeah, she wanted a pup That wasn't the news I was talking about. Oh there's more. Yes. You know Marilyn Monroe and Charlie are getting married. Oh Yeah? Yes Oh well. Why? Why? Yeah. You know, that when people get married they get married because they're in love. Oh..yeah, yeah. Seems like there ought to be an easier way out of that. Well, you know what marriage is? Yeah..it's ah ... ah...it seems to me it's a friendship that gets all messed up I hate to say it but Charlie and I are saying Goodbye Saying what? Goodbye. Oh yeah, yeah. Goodbye, goodbye. I'll see you later. No, no, not you. You see I want you Mortimer. I want you to fill Charlie's shoes. Yeah. Yes. What do you want me to fill them with? No, no., no, I want you to take Charlie's place. Oh I see. You want me to marry Marilyn Monroe! No. No. Right now we should get ready for Charlie's wedding. Now Mortimer, you're invited. I want you to watch your manners. I want you to put your best foot forward. Oh, you mean the one with the six toes on it? Yes, that's the one. When people speak to you, you should say "Yes Sir and yes Mam." Umh. Now is that clear? Ahh...yup. Yup. You mean yes sir don't you? Oh..yah, yeah, yeah. Yup. Cant you say anything but yup? Oh, yes sir. Ah isn't that better? Yup....Want to go round again? No. Now another thing, you know clothes are very important at the wedding. Oh...I'll wear some. Yes, I know you will. How do you think you'll feel in a top hat and a white tie? Kinda chilly! I'll have to rent a dress suit for you. Now let me see I'll need some measurements. Ah, what are you around the waist? Oh a bit ticklish. And how about the sleeves? Do you want 34 sleeves? No, I think two ought to do! No, Mortimer, that's a measurement. Where do you want your sleeves to come to. Why, to me. Would you describe yourself, Mortimer, as tall or short? Well, I'd say I'm tall on one end and short on the other. Now what about your trouser length. Yeah, what about that. How long are your legs? Well, ah, starting from which end? What I want to know is how long will you want your trousers? Well just till the weddings over. Yes I know. You don't seem to understand. Don't you see, if I have your exact measurements now, you'll get a better fit in the end. Well, I was hoping it would fit good all over. We really better hurry. I'm sure you'll want some of that wedding cake. Oh, why. Well you know, they say if a girl sleeps with a piece of her wedding cake under her pillow, that she'll get a husband. Oh, ha ha. Well, That ain't what you get. No. No. Sir. You don't get that at all. I tried it. Oh and what did you get. Ants
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